One relationship of mine that has definitely become closer over time is my relationship with my boyfriend. When we first met I only knew him as a friend of a friend. He was a senior in high school and I was a sophomore. It started out with casual hellos, acknowledging the other's existence, and maybe a brief conversation here and there. So it was definitely I-You communication: we acknowledged each other as humans but the only role he played in my life was "friend of a friend" and we didn't share anything on a personal level.
Eventually, after several short conversations we found out that we had the same taste in music. So that sparked a bit of interest for the both of us, but aside from talking about music our conversations still seemed to mostly revolve around small talk and insignificant topics.
Then, at one point, the subject of fathers came up; a sensitive subject for us both. After uncovering the fact that we both had MIA dads, our "fields of experience" started to merge more and more. We ended up exchanging numbers and the flow of information took off from there.
Three years later we're now in a committed relationship. We talk about pretty much anything and everything with the exception of our fathers since we've already talked about that and neither of us care to relive it. As far as shared fields of experience go, it seems that the more time we've spent together creating memories, finding new things that interest us, and sharing our pasts the closer our fields of experience merge.
After reading your post it is even more evident that relationships nurture with time and communication. I totally agree with you that relationships evolve with spending time together, discussing about every other thing in the world because that way we understand each other’s perspective. I met my husband 2 years before marriage and believe me those were the best days of my life. Just like you mentioned, I practically spoke to my boyfriend about every possible subject in the world, saw movies over weekends, tried food at different restaurants, went for long drives and hung out with common friends. This way we came close and our communication became more fluid which helped me understand him better than ever.
ReplyDeleteOn the same grounds I wish you good luck in your relationship.
I really enjoy reading your post. I wrote on a similar relationship and reading yours helped reaffirm the points I was also trying to make. I think it's human nature to start off a little shallow in conversation because there is that level of uncertainty between individuals. Then it takes one common interest that can spark up a whole slough of other shared experiences. It's really good that you progressed slowly though because I think often times we rush into relationships without a clear understanding of who the other individual actually is. Communication really is key and we need to feel confident that we know the other person well enough to commit ourselves to them. I am glad that you two are able to talk about pretty much everything because that really shows a level of maturity and security between the two of you. I hope it continues strong!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your post about your relationship with your boyfriend.I feel like the relationships we make in our lives have a positive output in key elements of communication. By discussing casual subjects at first is normal to almost everyone in life. The more time you spend talking to someone or hanging out the more you get to know their likes, dislikes, and everything else. I know when I meet someone new i almost always keep things on simple topics. Things I would talk about would include their name, where there from, how he or she is, etc. Most of the conversations are again I-You conversations. The level of personal connection with a new person is most of the time going to be an I-You communication.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post. I always like hearing about couples that are happy. I feel like the relationship you used as an example is one that is typical and how most relationships work. They start as I-You (or even sometimes I-It) relationships where we know the other person and may talk to the other person briefly but are not very close. Then over time the relationship grows and develops. It may develop into a romantic relationship or it may develop into a friendly relationship, but relationships do not just happen. You do not just instantly become best friends with someone. It takes time and effort on both parts to have a relationship grow into a I-Thou relationship.
ReplyDeleteHello! I enjoyed reading about how your relationship blossomed throughout time. I definitely can relate on how your relationship started out as nothing, with casual hello's and little conversation with each other. That’s exactly the same way mine started out. I believe that the fact that you two started out by having the same things in common, to talking about something that both of you can enjoy talking about makes the relationship a lot stronger over time because friendship is the best way to begin one. It also warms my heart that you guys have been together for such a long time, I believe it’s because of your good communication skills because a relationship cannot function without it. Best of wishes to you two!
ReplyDeleteThe relationship that I wrote about too was that with my boyfriend. Similar to yours, we were just friends and wouldn’t talk very often, if not at all. Unlike yours, however, ours grew from an I-It relationship, to an I-You relationship. Our conversations at first were very basic and then grew into conversations that people don’t have with just normal acquaintances.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad to hear that your relationship with your boyfriend has grown and became more personal. Most relationships we have are I-You relationships, and could come from I-It relationships.