One recent situation where I felt disconfirmed was last weekend when I was at my boyfriend's house. He lives with four other roommates, and as you might expect, some of them aren't exactly the cleanest guys when it comes to the house.
We were trying to cook some food in the kitchen but there was either no clean surface to use, or no clean utensils to use. I was trying to express to my boyfriend that I'd like to clean up a little so that we'd be able to cook, which he seemed fine with...until I started to try to wash the giant pile of dishes in the sink so that we'd have dishes to use. He immediately told me, "You're not doing that," and made me stop. He told me that he wasn't going to have me cleaning up after his "irresponsible roommates" and that they needed to do it themselves.
I was just trying to help and make it possible for us to cook but in his mind I wasn't handling the situation like he thought it should be handled. Instead, he picked out a select few dishes that were his and cleaned them for us to use. While this accomplished the goal I was aiming for, it still left me feeling disconfirmed because he had used controlling communication with me: his idea of a solution was right and mine was immediately wrong. My intentions were good since I was only trying to help, but my boyfriend had already decided for the both of us what was the right course of action.
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