I
really liked the topic of “Comfort with Relational Dialectics” (pg. 199).
Relational dialectics are naturally occurring tensions in relationships. The
first relational dialectic, autonomy/connection, refers to the fact that while
we all long to feel a connection with another person, we also need to feel
independent or “autonomous”. The book mentions that this is the most common
tension that occurs in relationships. The second relational dialectic is novelty/predictability,
which is when we experience opposing needs for both familiarity/routine and novel/new
experiences. The third and last relational dialectic is openness/closedness. This
is when we have a desire to openly communicate with others but at the same time
require some degree of privacy. Even when we are truly intimate with a
significant other and share openly with them we always need privacy in some
aspect of our lives or in the relationship.
I chose
this topic because I encounter it often in my life. My relationship with my
boyfriend is a constant balancing act: doing things together, but also having
our own individual interests; going out to places we’ve never been, but also
have routines to provide stability; openly communicating with each other as
much as possible, but also preserving some amount of privacy for ourselves.
This section of chapter 9 really hit home with me because I knew these tensions
existed in our relationship but our book gave me some clarity on what these
tensions were, exactly, and helped me understand that they are natural and it’s
okay to experience them.
Hey Alison,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I like the way you summarized relational dialectics. I tend to be open/closed to my girlfriend too. It is not that I am dishonest or I do not trust her but it is just that I sometimes need privacy. There are some situations in life which we can not share for personal reasons, like the example in the book explained how a guy could not talk about his dead brother to her girlfriend. It was not that he did not want to share but it was because he did not want to memorize those painful moments when he lost his younger brother. In a same way I think in relationships, openness/closeness is somewhat important. At least for me it is.